Word Count: 1300
Notes: written for this prompt over at spn_masquerade. Many thanks to the original prompter. Warnings for object insertion (in the form of a double-headed dildo) and late night, lizard brain writing. Oh god the title.
Summary: Both boys like to bottom and they need to find a way to make everybody happy.
"How about this one?" Jared asks, loudly, waggling a ridiculously long, jelly-bean purple dildo in Jensen's face.
"Veto," Jensen says, shoots an apologetic glance toward the girl behind the counter. She's oblivious or at least putting on a good show of it, steadily smacking her gum and glued to her phone.
"You've already used all of your vetoes," Jared points out, and drags Jensen further down the aisle.
"Then I'm pulling out my executive veto." He picks up a bottle of lube. "Hey, you think they put real chocolate in this?"
"Quit changing the subject."
"Why couldn't we just order one over the internet like every other right-minded individual?" He shows Jared another bottle. "Hey, strawberry."
Jared snatches it from Jensen's hand and puts it back on the shelf. "Don't even think about it. It tastes terrible, like someone's idea of a strawberry."
"No need to get existential."
Ignoring him, Jared goes on, "It's an important decision. One of those hands-on things. Like, would you order a puppy over the internet?"
"Don't bring a puppy into this," Jensen deadpans.
"No kink-shaming." Jared says and shoves another dildo into Jensen's face. This one's flesh-toned, curved and a little veiny, bright pink at the tips and approximately two feet long. "Looks a little like me."
"I think you have a somewhat inflated idea of yourself," Jensen points out. He's getting bored, pretty fucking hungry and vaguely turned on.
Around a smirk, Jared says, "Seems to work well enough for you." He grabs Jensen's ass, big palm and long fingers splayed wide and squeezing.
Jensen's face turns hot, and he goes from vaguely turned on to pretty goddamned in an instant. "Look, this one's bendy," he says.
"Hell, you know I’m game." Jared throws one into his basket, chooses two more almost without looking. The tips of Jensen's ears are turning pink and Jared knows what that means.
"Kinda takes some of the spontaneity out of it." Jared pokes at the tub of toys floating in the sterilizing solution they'd thrown into the basket at the last second.
"Well. Life's about compromise," Jensen says and hooks his chin over Jared's shoulder, rubs slow and lazy at Jared's cock through his shorts. "You like to take it up the ass and I like to take it up the ass. And well. Wouldn't it be good if we could both take it up at ass at the same time? Without like, involving any outside parties?"
Jared turns, circles his arm loosely around Jensen's neck, rubs their noses together and Jensen's such a sucker for that. It's pathetic. Wonderful. His heart's on his goddamn sleeve and he's actually happy about it.
"How long did it say we needed to keep 'em in there?" Jared asks.
"I think it's been long enough." Jensen worms his hand between them, pulls a tiny bottle out of his pocket. "Check it out. Strawberry."
Turns out Jared was right. Jared's always right. It does taste like someone's idea of a strawberry. He kisses Jared, tongue-fucks the hell out of him and makes sure that Jared tastes it too because true love means sharing everything, up to and including strawberry lube that tastes like ass only worse. Like somebody's idea of ass.
"Gimme a sec," Jensen says. He's straddling Jared's hips, balls soaked in lube since Jared went a little overboard. "Is it…is it still in?"
They're using the bendy one, shaped it like a horseshoe, managed to get tab A into Jared's slot B, but now the angle is all wrong. Jensen shimmies down, happy with the way his cock rubs against Jared's, but that's about it.
"Um…kinda? Nope. Gone." Jared's gripping the edge of the mattress, jaw clamped down tight, trying not to laugh.
"I think we might have to try the straight one," Jensen suggests.
"Words that I never thought would come out of your mouth," Jared says.
"Didn't I ever tell you about that one guy back in high school?" Jensen rolls off of him, kicks the horseshoe off of the bed.
"Not the time. Nor the place." Jared rubs his palm up and down his cock, reaches over and screws around with Jensen's nipple, plucks and twists until Jensen gets his head back in the game.
"Alright. Legs up."
Immediately, Jared draws his thighs close to his body, hands hooked under his knees. Jensen slicks up the flesh colored one, teases Jared's rim with it and eases it in, twisting and turning it and working it deeper and deeper.
Jared writhes a little, curious fingers touching his puffy, stretched out flesh and Jensen kisses the inside of Jared's thigh, nips at his skin, rocks against the mattress to push back the dull throb in his cock.
"Is this what I feel like? Because fuck yeah," Jared groans, and he gets a harder nip for that one.
Shifting on the bed, Jensen lines himself up, legs a tangle around Jared's and pushes down, breathes through the stretch as the dildo slips in and tries to work himself up and down on it, hooks his heels around Jared's legs and sets up this strange, awkward shuffle along the mattress. The fitted sheet comes loose and within two minutes he's covered in sweat, still is nowhere near getting off and he can hear Jared trying not to laugh. Again.
"No," Jensen tells him. "This isn't at all how you feel." Pulling out and rolling off of the bed, he motions for Jared to get up and fixes the sheet. It's a quirk. He deals with it.
"Really?" Jared asks, disappointed, nervously chewing on his lip.
"You're so much better. And a lot less work."
There's one option left, the ridiculous purple thing and Jensen slicks it up, kinda happy to see the last of the strawberry crap.
Taking it from him, Jared gives him a sweet little kiss and tells him to get on his hands and knees.
"You sure?" Jensen says and crawls back onto the bed, spreads his knees wide.
"You might have spent your teenage years trying to screw straight guys, but I spent mine on the internet."
Jared slides it in easily, fucks it in and out a few times, hits Jensen's sweet spot and Jensen moans, loses some of the strength in his arms and rests his forehead on his arm. The mattress dips down, Jared's legs slot alongside his and Jensen can feel a change back there, a shift in pressure as Jared feeds the thing into his own ass and starts to move. Smooth back and forth, deeper and deeper every time and it starts to turn good, fucking great, the dildo rubbing him just right.
These noises are coming out of Jared, soft sighs and low groans and sure, okay, this might be a little more fun if they could face each other, if they weren't ass to ass, but there's something to this. The idea that they're feeling the same exact thing at the same exact time, synched up in a whole new way.
"Don't touch yourself," Jared says. "See if we can…oh. Fuck." He goes still, rigid, and Jensen's already there, pumps his hips a couple more times and shoots, cock twitching and bobbing between his legs, ass notched snugly against Jared's.
Carefully, Jensen pulls off, shifts and falls onto Jared, licks some of the sweat from the nape of his neck. "Never thought that a goddamn purple jellybean would save the day."